She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
