It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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