I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
