Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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