"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
