Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
