I wish I only lived at night.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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