Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
