So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
