I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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