i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
