I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
