Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
