Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
