My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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