That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
