Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
