So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
