dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
