Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
