GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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