i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
