ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
