Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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