i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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