i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
