i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
