i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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