My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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