Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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