your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
