Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
