dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
