Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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