Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
