i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
