i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
