you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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