Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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