ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and she was petting her beer can
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
