After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
