I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
