Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
