i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
