just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
