Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
