Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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