Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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