He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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