I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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