oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
