There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
